Tis the season for the weekly James Brown “Funky” food Nominations. Bringing you the best of the worst in the breakroom fridge since slightly earlier in 2014. Only the funkiest of foods make the list. If you want to save any of these things let me know (or secretly snatch them before the end of the day) or else they will be bronzed and stored in a museum as a warning to future civilizations.
Here are our nominees for this week:
1. One squeeze(ed) bottle of Chocolate Hell. It was previously chocolate shell, but not after this much time.
2. Note: If you are going to leave severed fingers lying around to get ransom money, you have to leave a note on where to put the money. There is also a chance these are just old, half-eaten sausages. Either way, there is nothing but sorrow in this bag. The only proof of life you’ll get from this nominee is the copious bacterial growth.
3. I was having difficulty figuring out what our 3rd item was, but I finally got it. And I feel stupid because it was super obvious and staring me right in the face the whole time: It is most certainly an ice-core sample taken from a frozen wooly mammoth carcass. The real mystery is how did they fit it in the Nestle bottle. Tell me, HOW?!
4. My talk of prison wine a while back has inspired somebody to make a festive watermelon sangria. Artfully brewed with the potent combination of Anoxia, fruit, and neglect. Perfect for Birthdays, corporate parties, or going blind.
5. Free mini Tupperware! *
*Also includes really old cream cheese that smells like poo-gas
- Have an awesome weekend everybody! Don’t do anything I wouldn't do!