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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Moldy Oldies

Because I'm sure some of you are new to discovering my awesomeness, and have yet to look through my site completely, here are the best of the past months. Enjoy.

June 2005

November 2005

December 2005


You can tell me how funny I am later. I'm busy right now.

-Eric

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

P.S. We all want answers

In case you didn't believe me:

1.) The chicken. An egg can't hatch itself.

2.) 32 board-feet

You should now feel enlightened.

-Eric

Welcome to The Dark ages (you know, before the ice was in his grill)

I'm sure everyone has heard such age old conundrums as:

1.) "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

and

2.) "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

Well, besides the fact that I know the answers to both of those, because I'm awesome, there is a much more perplexing query that exists:

"Which came first, the famous rapper or his song about being famous?"




Which indeed?

I will accept all logical answers. The best answer will win some sort of prize. I haven't thought of what it is yet, but it will be awesome.

-Eric

Friday, May 05, 2006

Employment Opportunities Available: Now Hiring!


Are you looking for an easy job? One where you don't have to work very many hours? Well I will let you in on the secret that has netted me over $75 in the past several years.

The key is unwanted change. People foolishly cast it aside. That, my friend, is where you come in. When you see a coin lying on the ground, no longer should you just wonder why its all sticky and keep walking. If you saw $900 lying on the ground you wouldn't pass it by. But guess what? That's what you're doing! If you want to be successful like me, you will pick UP that coin. If you can pick up a penny in 1 full second ( a modest assumption ) then for that second you are working at the rate of $36.00 an hour! Picking up dimes nets you $360.00 an hour, and stooping for quarters earns you an astounding $900.00 an hour!!!

And you too can earn this incredible hourly rate, and work only seconds each week!

My program, Eric English's "Bend Over for Big Bucks", will teach you all the ins and outs of change-picking, including:

  • The Hot Spots - Where and when to stoop
  • Competition - What to do if you and a hobo see the coin at the same time
  • Stretching and exercises - Learn how a slow bending technique could be costing you big $$$!!
The first 300 people to order my Extreme Money-making system will receive our unisex hip-pack coin purse and a keychain vial of hand sanitizer ( A $2.49 value) absolutely FREE!
Start Making Money Today!!!
-Eric

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It's not my fault, it's his little kitty thyroid



As of February 2003, the worlds heaviest living cat is believed to be the 44lb "Katy" from Russia. The owners wished to have it listed in the Guinness Book of World Records, but they apparently no longer accept records in this category because they don't want people to overfeed their pets.

Well, it makes sense. It would be dangerous and unhealthy.


Let's look at some other Guinness record categories that have not been discontinued:


  • Heaviest Man
  • Niagara Falls Tightrope walking
  • Largest mantle of Bees
  • Longest Ramp jump with a caravan
  • Solo Mount Everest Ascents
  • Fastest speed road-skiing behind a motorcycle
  • Highest Shallow dive
  • Strangest diet (metal and glass)
And the last one is my favorite:

  • Most kicks to the head in one minute(Self)


Good to see they don't want people doing dangerous or unhealthy things either.



-Eric