Friday, August 11, 2006

Another terrorist plot

Because of the recently thwarted terrorist plots, security has been increased dramatically at all major airports, and terroritst have been ever more creative in their attempts. Immediately after the capture of this latest round of terrorists, another attempt was discovered in which terrorists planned to detonate a plane full of passengers with this baby's explosive flatulence:

The plot was discovered when 3 middle eastern men were witnessed buying 1000 cans of Gerbers Sauer Kraut. Police investigated until they discovered evidence of the nefarious plot. Among this evidence was the above picture, which was originally thought to be a leaked picture of Seal and Heidi Klum's new baby. After the true plot was discovered, the men were arrested and the bomb squad took the baby to their facility in the desert and safely detonated it.


Tuesday, August 01, 2006


Recent headlines in all major newspapers have all mentioned Lance Bass coming out of the closet. Big surprise. Just recently however, another celebrity has made a stunning announcement about his sexuality. This morning Carson Kressly, who gained notoriety as the flamboyant homo on "Queer Eye", was inspired by Lance Bass, and made a shocking admission: He's straight.

"Come on guys, " said Kressly "Nobody is THAT gay."

The famous fashion guru said he felt liberated, and he's just being true to himself.

"I was born this way. I just encountered so much prejudice in the fashion biz that I felt I had to conform. Nobody believes that a straight man can be good at fashion, and that's just wrong. I mean, look at this shirt, Does that look gay to you? Oh, wait, I thought I was wearing the blue one. This one is kinda gay."

While some people applaud his courage, his costars are not pleased, and claimed:

"His fashion sense always sucked anyways. We had our suspicions he was batting for the other team ever since he accidentally made that comment about Jessica Alba and tried to play it off like he was talking about her dress, which was a gaudy monstrosity."