Thursday, July 24, 2014

Breakroom 2nd weekly "Use-it-or-lose-it" James Brown Nominations

*** At my current job there is a communal breakroom fridge where people abandon all manner of food to fester and rot. My department is tasked with cleaning out the breakroom on Fridays , and so to clear out the dead weight I instituted the now-infamous Friday Breakroom Fridge Emails. Everybody said I should share them, so here they are***

It is once again time for the weekly nominations of the James Brown “funky” fresh food fiascos in the breakroom fridge!

If you are the original owner of any of these items and can’t bear to part with them due to nostalgia, rescue them by the end of the day today, otherwise they are sentenced to death! For the crime of being old, smelly, or uncomfortably ambiguous in nature.

This week’s nominations (see picture below):

1.       Vintage Miracle whip, circa Oct/2011
2.       Merry Christmas 2013! This Bottle of French dressing from Dec two years ago is a little late to the party.
3.       Do you want the appearance of having mustard, but only want to get rude noises when you squeeze the bottle? Then these deceptive residue-coated-yet-empty bottles of mustard are just what you need. Hiding in plain sight since 3/13
4.       They say you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar, but this vinaigrette from 4/2012 would beg to differ!
5.       Get out your political fliers, because this bottle of Mesquite marinade is almost old enough to vote!
6.       The spring chicken of the group, this blue cheese dressing only expired a mere month ago!
7.       One to-go packet of Wendy’s sour cream. Baked potato not included.
8.       Although Activia is supposed to get things moving, you may get more than you bargained for with these blueberry bonanzas from 11/12 and 8/13!
9.       Great value yogurt – expired 4 months and counting
10.   I bet if we ignore this applesauce from 1/14 for just a few more months, we can have a nice batch of prison wine! Science!

If you want to grant any of these offenders a stay of execution, grab them before close of business today. Then I am casting them into the fires of mount doom, the only place they can be destroyed.

-Double E

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