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Monday, June 27, 2005

Poker is for pervs.



During one of the times that I sit around and marvel at how good I am at poker, I discovered something previously unknown to me. Poker is full of some rather lurid terminology (at least when viewed with the same sophomoric crassness that I view everything else). If you laugh every time somebody is named Dick, then you know what I mean.

Here is some poker terminology that raised my eyebrow:

All In: Putting all your chips in the pot. Or putting your...well,,...you get the idea.

Short Stack: The term for the player with the smallest stack of chips; or in the theme of this juvenile post, the smallest penis.

Splashing the Pot: Refer to poop article.

Bluff: Rhymes with buff, as in naked? eh? Yeah, that's weak. Sorry.

Limp In: When players just call the blind instead of raising; Or when grandpa forgets his
viagra.

Suckout: Well, maybe legalized prostitution in Vegas influenced poker terminology.

Bad Beat:
-What they mean when they say it: My flush got beat by a straight flush.
-What I think when I hear it: A spankin' session somehow gone awry.

Pocket Rockets: Well, it means wired aces, but I can't help but think it means a trouser snake, ie, Jimmy the one-eyed wonder weasel.

In the Hole: There's just no way this can sound innocuous. Even worse, it can sometimes be paired with the above for the extremely sordid statement, "He had pocket rockets in the hole".

The Nuts: If you don't get this one, go look it up on the internet.

Big Slick: Well, its better than "Princess Sofia".

Belly Buster: Eating too much Taco Bell.

Flop: The community cards. Or what happens when you find out the girl you are making out with is actually a man.

Big Pair: Ok, it may be hard to explain this one, but it goes something like this: "Hey dude, check out the big pair on her!" (works also with 'top pair').

Position: Poker is a game of people and position. Sort of like a passionate session of love-making.


That's all for now. All this talk has made me want to go rock some poker. And I DO rock it.

-Eric

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