Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Welcome to the Jungle

If it gets any hotter here, my crotch will burst into flames and cauterize my genitals into one indiscernible lump. Its only in the low 80's, and already I'm sweating like a gerbil in a key west pet shop. I have figured out why they call Gainesville 'The Swamp'. It's not because it's the home of the Gators. It's because it's as hot as Satan's anus, smells twice as bad, and is swarming with flies. People always have a reason to explain the smell of dead grandma, too. Like, "Oh that's just the water treatment plant." As if knowing what it is will quench the fire in my nostrils. Next time people say my apartment smells, I'm just going to say, "Oh that's just the big pile of shit I left behind the couch."
I don't understand people lying around outside in the grass, having a jolly old time, when I have to make several pitstops just to make it to class (I don't want the toast in my pocket to burn) and then use a spatula to get my backpack off. When you realize that little spot on your shirt is the area not covered in sweat, something is wrong.
But as the saying goes, "If you don't like the weather in Florida, wait five minutes and it will change." ....From 85 Degrees to 90.


1 comment:

Brett said...

The other day, I opened my car door after it had been in the sun all day; the air inside the car was so hot it had reached a plasma state, and when I opened the door a backdraft occured. Several bistanders where slain.