Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Winter is totally gay

(Not that kind of gay)

When I was a kid I used to think it would be super cool to live in a frozen wasteland where nobody else was badass enough to tread, killing polar bears with knife-spears and traversing glaciers with souped-up snowmobiles.

But now I am much wiser in the ways of the world, and I know that would totally suck. When you have to take preventative measures just to make sure your ass doesn't adhere to a toilet seat, you are not going to be having much fun the rest of the day either. Or 5 seconds later, when your rock-hard popsicle-turd splashes 40 degree water on your cornhole.

But even here in Florida, winter is pretty gay, and it's not even cold.

Women use winter as a bizarre excuse to stop shaving their legs.

"Oh it's winter, I don't have to shave my legs any more tee hee".

That makes about as much sense as saying "Oh it's winter, I can stop showering now. Nobody will be able to smell me because I have this big coat on."

"Winter is here everybody, no reason to keep brushing your teeth or combing your hair!"

"I'm so glad winter is here, now I can just take dust baths instead of using water and cleaning products."


        Literally the only good thing about winter is that I don't have to mow my lawn. I can just let it die like nature intended and have total plausible deniability.

-Double E

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

If I ever used *anything* as an excuse to not shave my legs, I'd hope someone shot me.
Ok, I lie... stomach flu will keep me from it til I finally drag myself to a shower but pretty much nothing else. I'm a lady, not a chihuahua with a bad buzz cut.